for their age, while others mature more slowly. So caught up do we get in
sticking to the traditional notions of age and maturity that we fail to
recognize the unique temperament of each child. Pushing a child to
“grow up” simply because their chronological age is more advanced is a
fruitless exercise that can only destroy the child’s sense of worth. When
we feel ourselves becoming frustrated because our child can’t “be like
others their age,” we are wise to remind ourselves that age is simply a
construct—an illusion that, if we buy into it, can curtail our child’s
spirit. For this reason, it’s prudent to avoid all comparisons.
Each child needs either more or less of different approaches. Some
children do well with positive reinforcement and use this to charge
toward change. Others do better with rules and guidelines. Still others
thrive on emotional nurturance, which fosters their creativity. Depending
on the child in front of us, we need to adjust our approach to meet their
individual requirements.
My daughter is precocious in some emotional areas, at least two years
advanced for her age. In other areas, she’s average, perhaps even below
average. Unless I’m able to recognize those areas in which she’s
advanced and those in which she’s slower, I’ll treat her according to how
I think children her age should be treated. Failing to understand her
particular level of maturity, my efforts at teaching her containment are
likely to be inappropriate.
When your children act out, it’s important to ask yourself the
following questions:
Did my child act out because of a lack in judgment due to emotional