The Conscious Parent

So impoverished was Suzanne’s self-authority that she simply didn’t
think to claim respect from her daughter. So insecure was she about her
own boundaries, she didn’t create any with her child. Consequently, she
didn’t stop Maryann when Maryann defied her rules at age seven, and
neither did she say a word when Maryann hit her at age eight, or protest
when Maryann broke her favorite necklace and didn’t apologize at age
nine. Neither did she give Maryann a curfew when Maryann went out
with her friends for the first time at age twelve. In other words, without
her realizing, Suzanne had created in her daughter shades of her own
abusive mother. She unconsciously sowed the seeds for her daughter’s
disrespect because the role of invisible victim was an energetic space she
was familiar with.
In any situation that calls for a response, the question to ask is: Am I
coming from my own need and unresolved issues or from truly serving
my child? It’s this willingness to be molded by the parentchild
relationship and enter a state of transformation that’s the hallmark of
conscious parenting.
How we communicate “no” to our children depends on a child’s
temperament. Children who listen readily are more sensitive and hence
more malleable. Some need only one look from a parent to stop what
they are doing. However, such children are also prone to pleasing their
parents too readily. For this reason, parents of such children need to be
mindful not to overpower their children, causing them to become
hesitant in life and perhaps even fearful. Children who are
temperamentally more robust may need more than a simple look. Such
children often get into trouble more because they tend to be not only