The Conscious Parent

frustration, and neither do I want to. But I can be with you while you
work through it.” The way to work through frustration is first to allow it
to exist. We ride the waves as they come. By practicing awareness,
acceptance, and tolerance, our children learn to regulate their emotions.
When our children are younger, we can lay a foundation that will later
enable them to deal with their feelings by themselves. To accomplish
this, we might use a technique such as naming the feelings. Another
technique is to sit with our child while they draw what they are feeling or
write about it. Yet another approach is to encourage them to breathe
through the feelings.
Many times, a “no” is metabolized quickly without residual emotion.
At other times, our children may have things they want to say and
feelings they wish to express. If we fail to help our children tolerate their
frustration, they will squash their emotions into their body. Our task is to
listen to them, then let them know it’s natural to feel frustrated. “Let’s
sit with what you are feeling,” I tell my daughter. Then we watch the
feelings together.
It’s helpful to inquire whether there’s anything to be learned from the
feelings that arise when our child is told “no.” One lesson might be that
life doesn’t always turn out the way we wish it would. This is a hard but
vital lesson. However, if we can recognize it, a “no” invites creativity. If
our children can’t have what they want in this area of their life right now,
is there a way for them to get something they want in another area of
their life? When we engage in finding creative answers together, we
provide our children with a powerful tool for coping with the word “no.”
Having focused on how to say “no” and the kinds of things to which