expressed.
Correction of a child’s acting out always needs to occur in the present
moment.
If our children are teens, the time when they are going to seek our
permission has passed.
When we relate to our children by honoring who they are at any given
moment, we teach them to honor themselves. If we seek to shift them
from their present state, altering their behavior to meet our approval,
we convey the message that their authentic being is inadequate. Our
children then begin to adopt a persona, which takes them away from
who they really are.
Matching our emotional energy to that of our children is far more
effective than asking them to match their energy to ours.
To be triggered into emotional reactivity is to be in resistance.
Behavioral shaping uses all conflict as a laboratory for learning. For
this reason, shaping occurs continuously on a moment-by-moment
basis instead of being squeezed into punitive time slots. The signature
of this shaping is positive reinforcement, which is a more effective
tool than punishment.
Our task is to befriend our child’s essence.
We fear we’ll feel isolated and lonely if we really claim our
uniqueness. Your child’s spirit is infinitely wise.