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CHAPTER 3

Release Your Children from the Need for Your

Approval

ithout our realizing it, we bind our children to us by tying
them to our approval, making them slaves to our judgments
of them. Either we constantly starve them of our approval,
or we cause them to become dependent on it.
Can you imagine how it must feel for a child to be starved of our
approval and fearful of our disapproval? How different this must be from
knowing they are unconditionally accepted and honored.
Every child realizes that their behavior sometimes gets them into a
pickle, but this isn’t at all the same as not being accepted and respected
for who they fundamentally are. This is why it’s so crucial that, as
parents, we free ourselves of the illusion that it’s our place to approve of
who are children are. Who are we to judge them? They need to know that
by simply being on this Earth, they have a right to approval of who they
intrinsically are. We don’t confer this right on them. Just by the fact they
draw breath, they have the right to speak their mind, express their
feelings, and embody their spirit. Such rights are bestowed with the birth
certificate.
It may come as a surprise to hear that both disapproval and approval
are tentacles of control. While we can certainly praise our children and
celebrate their successes, it’s so easy to introduce the taint of approval or
disapproval, which quickly affects how our children feel about their