entangled with our children’s behavior. When they behave in a manner
that’s out of the norm, we feel personally responsible. Unable to detach
our ego from the situation, we blow their behavior out of proportion.
None of us likes to be perceived as an incompetent parent. Our ego
needs us to be seen as a superlative parent. Anytime we feel less perfect
than what we wish to be, we experience anxiety because we believe we
have “fallen” in the eyes of others. Then we react in an emotional
manner.THE EGO OF PERFECTION
Most of us harbor fantasies of perfection, but it’s our attachment to such
fantasies that keeps us from flowing with how our life really is.
For instance, when a mother planned her son’s bar mitzvah, she spent
over $30,000 on the arrangements, perfecting each detail. Despite the
fact she had fussed for months, she was nevertheless extremely anxious
when the day arrived.
As it turned out, the occasion was punctuated by what this mother saw
as disaster after disaster. The day began with an unexpected
thunderstorm. Thankfully, she had planned for such a possibility and had
a tent backup. Then the DJ was caught in heavy traffic, which meant he
arrived an hour late. Shortly thereafter, the boy’s mother noticed that her
son had become somewhat tipsy and was being rowdy in front of her
relatives and high society friends.
Feeling utter embarrassment, the mother was devastated—and livid.
Though she managed to maintain her image of the perfect mother as long
as her guests were present, she unleashed her fury on everyone around