They haven’t changed one iota. They’re still listening to a voice outside
their heads — it’s just not ours anymore.
The first step in preparing our children to cope with the peer pressure
they’ll meet down the road is to start them early in listening to that small
voice inside their own head. Give them choices on little things: Chocolate
or white milk? The blue coat or the red coat? Put the mittens in the
pocket or wear them? They have to decide; the little voice inside their
head does the talking.
The more decisions kids make, the more times we ask them questions
instead of telling them what to do, and the more we discuss issues using
thinking words, the less likely they’ll be negatively influenced by peers
later on.
We shouldn’t fool ourselves, however. Peer pressure will still be
strong. During those early preadolescent and adolescent years, our kids
are trying so hard to build social skills, and friendships will be crucial.
But with good preparation, their own inner voice will have a fighting
chance.
Second, when our children hit eleven or twelve, to prepare them to
cope with peer pressure, it is essential we have little discussions with
them from time to time about the pressures of adolescent life. For
example:
DAD: “Miranda, I know how hard it is to be facing adolescence now
and how important your friendships are to you. Mom and I want to
support you in your friendships and everything else you may be
going through. I just want to have a little talk today to see how that’s
going for you and whether or not you’re able to think when you’re
around your friends. Okay?”
MIRANDA: “Uh, okay, I guess.”
DAD: “I thought maybe we could talk about your plan for making
sure you get to be yourself, because I know you’re working very
hard not to be your parents. So the next job is to learn how not to be
your friends, too, and instead become yourself.”