how good we feel when we know our things are neatly put away tells our
kids it’s great to be neat. Putting the dishes away, returning the tools to
their proper hooks, sweeping the sidewalks after mowing the grass — if
we’re talking about it as we do it and after we do it, our kids get the right
message.
Until our kids hit kindergarten, cleaning up their toys should be a
community project. We put away a toy, then they put away a toy, then we
put away a toy, and so on. After that age, however, their toys are their
responsibility. What happens to them is up to the kids. If they leave them
lying around their room, that’s one thing. We don’t make a big issue out
of it. But if every time we take a step across the family room we stub our
toes on a toy truck, that’s another. One parent handled the issue like this:
PARENT: “Hey, Kyle, there’s a lot of your stuff lying around the
house today. It’s kind of getting in the way. Do you want to pick it
up, or would you rather I picked it up?”
KYLE: “You pick it up.”
PARENT: “Well, the advantage of your picking it up is that you’ll
get to see it again. If I pick up, I’ll keep the stuff. So you might want
to rethink your decision on that. But you don’t have to rush. I’ll
know what you want. If by lunchtime I still see your stuff out there,
I’ll know you decided to have me pick it up. If I see that it’s gone,
then I’ll know that you decided to pick it up for yourself.”If we end up moving the toys, the question then becomes, Should we
give them back to our child? That depends on how responsible the child
generally is. If our child is basically responsible, then we’d say, “No
problem. Every time you pick up all of your things by yourself without
being told, you earn back one of the toys you lost today.” But kids who
have a hard-core problem with responsibility should know they are
gradually saying bye-bye to the toys we have to pick up. But don’t feel
too bad about it. In most American homes, kids have far more toys than
they need or know how to take care of.
Also, don’t be afraid of saying from time to time, “I’m really worried