how to respond. Perhaps you could return to this book or check our Love
and Logic website at www.loveandlogic.com for ideas.
Many people have been taught that the best time to respond is
immediately because they feel the impact will be lost if time passes. But
haven’t you ever heard about a two-year-old remembering a promise
made a week ago about getting something she wanted the next time
Mommy took her to the store? Don’t worry! Your kids have a good
memory too. And often in the time between problem and consequence,
either they’ll find a solution to the problem for themselves, or the perfect
consequence will present itself to you so that the children will get
optimal learning out of the situation!
The key is to keep the ball in the kid’s court and model taking care of
yourself. Then, even if the kids think they have gotten away with it, when
the consequences come they will be more meaningful because you took
the time to find the best response.
Problem, Problem, Who Owns the Problem?
Unfortunately, separating the kids’ problems from our problems is not
always as cut and dry as we would like. The line between the two often
becomes blurred by parental indecision, guilt, insecurity, and our own
childhood’s authoritarianism. When our guilt or indecision moves us to
step into our children’s problems, we cater more to our own emotions
than to the children’s needs. Most kids want us to understand their
feelings, not soothe our own emotional turmoil by offering them
solutions.
LOVE AND LOGIC TIP 12
If It’s a Problem for Us, It Should Soon Become a Problem for Them“Where’s Snuggles?” The question from Emily, a seven-year-old
girl, was frantic with concern. Emily missed the excited yelping