walking slot machine. The boy ate coins — pennies, nickels, dimes, not
many quarters, and no half dollars. She was thankful for that, but it was
still a problem. Graham would start to swallow a nickel, and Mom would
make like a Samoan pearl diver trying to dig it out. “I tell him not to, but
I can’t make him stop,” she complained. “What am I going to do?”
Foster found out during their conversation that they lived on a busy
Denver thoroughfare, so he asked the mom, “Does Graham run out onto
Wadsworth Boulevard?”
The mom said, “Well, of course not. On that I mean business.”
One limit was responded to with noise and frustration, the other in a
firm, no-nonsense manner. Graham knew playing in traffic was a no-no,
but when it came to eating coins, bon appetit. Now that one was fun!
Kids seem most secure around parents who are strong, who don’t allow
the limits they place on their kids to crumble. Children lose respect for
adults who cannot set limits and make them stick. Kids who misbehave
without having to face the consequences become brats.
Children lucky enough to have limits placed on them in loving ways
become secure enough to not only deal effectively with their own
emotions but also form satisfying relationships with others. These limits
allow children to develop self-confidence. As a result, these children are
easier to teach, they spend less time misbehaving, and they grow up to be
responsible adults. When we don’t provide firm limits, our kids suffer
from low self-esteem. And when they have low self-esteem, they behave
accordingly.
LOVE AND LOGIC TIP 14
Oh, the Rationalizations We Weave for MisbehaviorCatherine and Jeremy have problems with their two children, but
Catherine admits she has a lot more problem with their behavior
than Jeremy does. But she explains, “That’s because I’m around
them all the time.”
The amazing thing is that Jeremy nods his agreement.