he breaks down and admits that he has some math to do. By this time
you are furious, but you also feel victorious that you finally got the
truth out of the kid.
But what has really just happened? You have given your child six
times to practice lying! You may think to yourself, “Sooner or later
he’ll realize he can’t fool me and he’ll give up.” Sometimes kids will
give up, but many children will continue trying to take the easy way
out first. They will simply work to become better liars, and you will
be providing them with their practice sessions.
Here’s a more constructive approach. Imagine that your child has
misbehaved in some way. If you don’t know the truth about what
occurred, ask the child once what happened. If he tells you the story
and you find out later that he lied, punish him for whatever the
offense was as well as for the lie.
Try not to surprise the child by asking your question on the spur of
the moment. Many kids simply respond impulsively. They lie, but
their real desire is just to end the conversation, get rid of you, and
stay out of trouble.
What if something bad has happened and you already know all the
gory details? You might say something like this: “I want you to tell
me the story of what happened at lunch today, but not right now.
Think about it a while and we’ll talk in fifteen minutes. But
remember I already talked with Mr. Pasquini.” No lectures or
tantrums from you.
Many parents use another option when (1) they already know what
happened and (2) the child is very likely to lie about the event no
matter how the questions are phrased. In this case you simply tell the
child what you know and then calmly mete out the punishment. You
do not even give the child the chance to lie. Under these
circumstances many kids will blow up and accuse you of not trusting
them. Manage their reaction by ignoring their statement or counting
them, and end the conversation with, “I’m sure you’ll do better next
marcin
(Marcin)
#1