enjoys praise, then by all means provide it—when appropriate.
The tactic of praise sometimes gets criticized for being overused
and abused. People say we spoil our children with exaggerated
compliments, artificially inflate their self-esteem, and consequently
don’t prepare them for the big, bad world. Is this a real problem?
Here’s the deal. With kids up to age about five or six, it’s not so
bad to exaggerate your praise of their effort or their performance.
They respond positively to almost any kind of encouragement, and
they don’t always really know how well or poorly they are doing. But
watch out when those kids hit first or second grade! Now they are
starting to get an idea of what doing well really means, and they will
increasingly be able to tell fake from genuine praise.
There are two additional devices you can use to make praise a
more effective boost to a child’s self-esteem:
- Praise in front of other people
- Unexpected praise
While you’re talking to your next-door neighbor, for example,
your daughter Kelsey shows up. You interrupt your conversation and
say, “You should have seen Kelsey out there on the soccer field today.
Those other kids never knew what hit them!” Kelsey will beam with
pride.
Unexpected praise can also be quite memorable for a child. Your
son is upstairs doing his homework. You call from the bottom of the
stairs, “Hey, Jordan!” Jordan has no idea what’s coming next. You
then say, “Did I tell you what a great job you did on the yard?” Jordan
will be pleased—and perhaps a little relieved!
How do you keep offering praise and encouragement on a regular
basis? As mentioned before, this task is surprisingly difficult, since
most of us tend not to speak up when we are content. Here are two
suggestions. First, see if you can make three positive comments for