requests are made in a matter-of-fact way, but—believe it or not—the
mere tone of voice can also say, “If you test or push me, you’ll get
counted.”
Quik TipTry not to spring unpleasant requests on your kids out of the blue. Giving them a
little warning will usually help them do what you want—with less whining!The spontaneity of a parental request can also be a cooperation
killer. Your son is outside playing baseball with some friends. You go
to the front door and ask him if he’d come in and take out the
garbage. He blows his stack and you think, “What is the big deal?”
You are correct that your boy overreacted, but the big deal was not the
garbage. The big deal to him was the spontaneity. What do you expect
the child to say? “Thanks for offering me this opportunity to be of
service to the family”?
No one likes spur-of-the-moment interruptions that involve
unpleasant tasks. You don’t like them either, although you are often
stuck with such intrusions. But we’re not talking about getting you to
cooperate here. We’re talking about getting your kids to cooperate.
And we’re also not saying your children shouldn’t have chores to do.
They should help out around the house. Structure these tasks into
fixed routines so that spontaneous requests are seldom necessary.
Finally, the phrasing of a request can make a difference in how