me, “If I’m going to have to keep quiet and not watch, I want a
martini—not a cup of coffee!”
Breakfast is optional for these older children. You can put some
food out if that was your usual routine before, but you can’t remind
the kids to eat it. It’s better if the kids just get what they want for
themselves. Children won’t die from missing breakfast. When they
leave, you say nothing about coats, hats, or gloves, unless there is
danger of frostbite.
What you are doing with this new up-and-out arrangement is
teaching the kids responsibility and invoking a sacred rule of
psychology: sometimes the hard way is the best way to learn. The
lessons sink in more when kids get burned a few times than when they
simply hear a lecture. So you have to be willing to let the kids get
burned. Don’t even start this procedure unless you are convinced you
are ready for the strain and—more important—that you can keep
quiet.
It usually takes no more than five days for the child to shape up
and successfully get up and out on his own. During that five-day
period, your child will probably be late to school a few times and will
feel embarrassed. He will have had the experience of suddenly
realizing at seven fifty that he’s not dressed and that Mom didn’t
remind him that his ride was coming at eight. He may have gotten to
school and realized he forgot his math book because he was late
leaving. He may also have blown up at his mother a few times (and
been counted!) because she didn’t provide any reminders or excuse
notes.
Kids have four ways of getting to school: car pool, bus, walking, or
riding bikes. When they can walk or bike to school, of course, this up-
and-out program is the easiest. With car pools or bus, you can drive
the kids if they don’t make their connection. Don’t rush, however; let
them get to school late. Most kids will not get dependent on your
driving, especially if they’re tardy anyway. If you do have to drive the
marcin
(Marcin)
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