example, what if your daughter, Megan, slaps her brother, Jon? Time
for the demanding side of parenting. But if Megan feeds the dog
without being asked? Time for the warm side.
What if it’s time for bed? Both friendly and firm sides are
necessary. The friendly side might mean snuggling in bed with a child
for fifteen minutes of story time before lights-out. The demanding
side, on the other hand, might mean requiring the kids to get ready for
bed (teeth, bath or shower, pajamas, and so on) before story time can
happen. And at nine o’clock, firm means lights-out. No ifs, ands, or
buts.
The messages this parenting philosophy sends to children are:
- Warm-friendly: I love you and I’ll take care of you.
- Demanding-firm: I expect something from you.
Why are both the warm-friendly and demanding-firm attitudes
toward your children necessary? For two reasons. The first reason is
simple: fun! It would be nice if you could enjoy the children while
they are growing up in your household. Kids are energetic, cute,
exciting, and fun, and you can have great times with them you’ll
never forget.
Key ConceptResearch has shown that effective parents are warm and friendly on the one
hand, but also demanding and firm on the other. Both orientations are critical to