110 The Explosive Childsuring that your concerns are addressed. Thus, you’re set-
ting limits when using Plan B as well. Of course, the mu-
tually satisfactory part also has a calming effect on
explosive children, who had become accustomed to ex-
ploding when their concerns were blown off the table by
adults using Plan A. If your concerns are being addressed
with Plan B—without causing your child to explode—
then why do you still need Plan A? Maybe you don’t.
The doable and realistic parts are important, too. Plan
B isn’t an exercise in wishful thinking. If you can’t do the
solution that’s being agreed to, then don’t agree to it just
to end the conversation. That’s called “explosion de-
ferred” but not “problem solved.” Likewise, if you don’t
think your child can do the solution that’s being agreed
to, then don’t agree to it just to end the conversation.
You’re the surrogate frontal lobe—make sure he takes a
moment to consider whether he can actually do what
he’s agreeing to do. (“You sure you can do that? Let’s
make sure we come up with a solution we can both do.”)
Let’s see how the three steps would look all together
(using Proactive Plan B), assuming that things are going
really smoothly (we’ll get to problems people encounter
in using Plan B soon enough):
Adult (Empathy): I know that your medicine has
been making you sick to your stomach and that
you’re not too happy about that.