126 The Explosive Childsitting atop the register. This minor disagreement—
which had never arisen before—had the potential to
totally disrupt Helen’s completion of her homework
by inducing a prolonged explosion.
“Helen, I don’t want you to do your homework sit-
ting on the register,” said the father.
“I want to,” Helen whined.
“Helen, I want you to come over to the kitchen
table and do your homework,” commanded the father,
now using Plan A.
“I want to sit here!” Helen whined with a little
more fervor.
The father caught himself. Continue with Plan A,
just let it go with Plan C, or do Emergency Plan B?
The father quickly called to mind that there was little
to be gained by blowing his daughter’s concern off the
table. In fact, he didn’t even know what her concern
was! Nor his own! The father began with empathy.
“Helen, you want to sit on the register. What’s up?”
“It’s warmer,” she replied.
“You want to sit on the register because it’s warmer.”
The father now had to give serious thought to his own
concern (if he really had one) and whether he wanted
to put it on the table. If he decided he had no concern,
of course, he would have simply chosen Plan C. I don’t
want your papers scattered all over the floor. Let’s see if
we can work this out. Do you have any ideas?”
“No, I want to sit here.” Helen pouted.