144 The Explosive Child- “He just wants control.” We all want control. Same deal.
- “He won’t cooperate.” If you’re talking about the true
meaning of the word cooperate—“to collaborate, to
come together”—then it’s a pretty sure bet you’ve
never given him the chance. - “He’s manipulative.” I doubt it. Good manipulation
requires forethought, planning, impulse control, or-
ganizational skills. Eighty percent of explosive kids
are also diagnosed with ADHD. What are some of
the core features of ADHD? Poor forethought, poor
planning, poor impulse control, poor organizational
skills. Explosive kids are typically very poor manipu-
lators. They’re bad at it. Competent manipulation is
when you don’t know you’re being manipulated. If
you know you’re being manipulated, you’re dealing
with an incompetent manipulator. - “He just needs to step up to the plate.” How often do
you step up to the plate when you’re lacking the skills
needed to hit the ball?
What’s the CPS definition of holding a child account-
able? Give him the skills he needs so he doesn’t explode
anymore ...and so he doesn’t need your help anymore.As
long as your child is relying on your consequences as his