160 The Explosive ChildThe first thing you’d want to be convinced of is that
your child actually needs additional motivation. Our phi-
losophy, that children do well if they can, suggests that
your child is already sufficiently motivated. Second, you’d
want to be sure that motivational strategies are worth the
potential price. Many an explosion has been precipitated
by the delivery of a punishment or the loss of an antici-
pated reward.
Engaging children in discussions about how they can
make amends for an act committed in the midst of frus-
tration can be far more productive than punishment.
Such discussions should not take place during or imme-
diately after explosions but rather once rational thinking
has been fully restored. Here’s what such a discussion
might sound like:
Parent: Carlos, we need to talk a little about the
table you broke yesterday.
Child: I said I was sorry.
Parent: I know, and it was very nice of you to say
that. But I still feel very bad about the broken
table, and we still need to figure out what you
can do to help me feel better.
Child: Like what?
Parent: I don’t know. Can you think of anything you
could do that would make me feel better?
Child: You could punish me.