The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically I

198 The Explosive Child

one else’s concern without instantaneously exploding is a

major achievement.

Finally, the third step of Plan B—the Invitation—

helps the child do something else he’s never been very

good at: adjusting to the idea that there might be some

shades of gray somewhere between black and white and

that there might be a variety of ways to solve a problem

besides the way he originally configured. Early on, this

often requires massive doses of reassurance (that the

child’s concern will be taken into account). And such

children often benefit from being reminded about how

they have solved similar problems in the past.

Social Skills

In Chapter 3, the different social skills that contribute
to a child’s capacity for flexibility and frustration toler-
ance were reviewed, including attending to appropriate
social cues and nuances; accurately interpreting those
cues; connecting cues with past experience; having a
broad repertoire of responses; and recognizing how
they’re coming across and appreciating how their behav-
ior is affecting others. These skills can take a very long
time to learn. Just remember, teaching these skills always
takes less time than not teaching them.
We won’t cover all of the above skills, but let’s sample