214 The Explosive Child- Things each family member is saying that make an-
other family member defensive and how to commu-
nicate with each other in a more productive way.
Of course, it’s also critical to listen closely to what the
child has to say on these topics; to recognize that it can
take the child a long time to spit something out; and to
remember that if a child isn’t ready to talk about some-
thing at a given moment, you probably won’t have much
luck trying to force the issue. Come back to it later when
you’ve got better odds.
Another maladaptive communication pattern—called
overgeneralization—refers to the tendency to draw global
conclusions in response to isolated events. Here’s how it
would sound from a parent:
Mother: Billy, maybe you can tell Dr. Collins why you
never do your homework.
Billy: What are you talking about?! I do my
homework every night!
Mother: Your teachers told me you have a few
missing assignments this semester.
Billy: So does everybody! What’s the big deal? I miss
a few assignments, and you’re ready to call in the
damn cavalry!
Mother: Why do you always give me such a hard
time? I just want what’s best for you.