consequence is not just the opposite of a reward. I fully believe in
rewards for exemplary behavior, and I also believe that bad behavior
gets a consequence.
I add that I think you should differentiate between the child and
the behavior. Your child is good and always will be. Her behavior is/can
be bad. This is very important.
Moving on. If you are getting overtly defiant behavior—like your
child is looking you in the eyes and peeing on your carpet—this is
different and is very serious. I discuss this further in chapter 15,
“Younger Than Twenty Months, Older Than Three Years.”
Generally, this sort of defiance is found in kids older than three.
Bottom line, it warrants serious help right now, because it is not
about potty training—it is about anger. Deep anger. I highly suggest
you contact a family therapist as soon as possible. Otherwise, it will
only get worse and could escalate into potentially dangerous
behavior.
Of course, once again, you know your child best. I just adore this
letter from a mom:
So I modified your method a little (okay maybe a lot) because I know
my son and we would have ended up with a fridge full of toys. I took
the basic concept of what you said and did the “WHEN you do
THIS I will do THAT.” I said, matter of fact, “Let’s go try to go
pee-pee on the toilet” and took his hand and he said, “Okay,
Mommy.”
We walked to the bathroom, and I closed the door behind us and
suggested we read a book. He said no and would not sit on his potty.
So I said, “When you pee-pee in the potty, we can go back to