Chapter 12 page 296
This brought peace to
the American colonies.
The colonists no longer
had to fear attacks
from Canada.
The colonists were very
glad that Britain had won.
They now felt safer in their
homes. Before the war,
Indians had often attacked
colonists who lived near
the borders. Now Britain
owned these lands where
the Indians lived. The
colonists were sure that
Britain would protect
them.The original sentences present solutions to problems that
had not yet been explained. The original text implies a
contrast, but the state of nonpeace was never explicitly
described. The original doesn’t explain why the colonists
had been afraid.
In the revision, the last four sentences provide an
explanation for the first sentence. “Before” and “Now” are
used as explicit signals.The Americans were
happy to be part of
Britain in 1963. Yet a
dozen years later, these
same people would be
fighting the British for
independence, or
freedom from Great
Britain’s rule.
The colonists were happy
to be a part of Britain, but
that was about to change.
They began to decide that
they would rather have
their own country,
independent from Britain.Again the original does not explain the relationship between
key pieces of information. The original text does not
explain at all what motivated the fight for independence:
the desire to have their own country. This sentence
provides a context that helps readers understand the next
sentences.This war was called the
War for Independence,
or the American
Revolution. A
revolution changes one
type of government or
way of thinking and
replaces it with
another.
So a dozen years later, the
colonists would be fighting
the British for freedom
from Great Britain’s rule.
This later war would be
called the War for
Independence, or the
American Revolution.The word “so” in the revision is another explicit signal
word, to help relate the motivation in the previous sentence
to the event of fighting. The references are clearer too. The
revision clearly states that it was the colonists who were
fighting, instead of “these same people,” which appeared in
the original; students might have a hard time figuring out
which people are being talked about.Overall, the revision uses more signal words. It avoids
unclear pronouns. It provided lots of background
information. It presented information more in chronological
order (but not completely). It explicitly aimed to activate a
conflict schema and systematically fill one slot at a time.Notice that in making the revision, the researchers were concerned with issues of clear structure, coherence,
and so on. But they were most of all concerned about addressing gaps in students’ prior knowledge.
Example #2.
Here is a textbook passage that explains liquids to middle-school students. Obviously, it is so sketchy that
students are bound to misinterpret it.
Liquids
A liquid does not have a definite shape, but it does have a definite volume. So a liquid
flows and takes the shape of its container. However, like solids, liquids can’t normally be
squeezed to a smaller volume. If you push down on a quart of water with a moderate amount
of force, its volume will remain a quart. The molecule theory explains the properties of liquids.
Because a liquid can’t be squeezed, its molecules must be very close together, like those of a
solid.