Steady versus Multiple Dating
Dating relationships range from informal casual
dating to involved, steady relationships. Steady dat-
ing is more common among older adolescents, with
30 percent of males and 40 percent of females be-
tween the ages of sixteen and eighteen indicating that
they are going steady. Many argue it is not advisable
to allow adolescents younger than fifteen to date in-
tensively, as it appears to have a negative effect on in-
terpersonal development; dating may limit their
interactions with others and lead to social immaturity.
Debra Haffner, in her book From Diapers to Dating, ar-
gues that middle-school children should not be per-
mitted to date someone more than two years older
than themselves, as research indicates young teens
who date older teens are more likely to become in-
volved in high-risk behaviors. In addition, involve-
ment in dating too early and too intensely may
impede opportunities for same-sex relationships and
casual opposite-sex relationships, both of which en-
hance the development of intimacy at later ages.
There are advantages and disadvantages to both
steady and multiple dating (going out with more than
one person). While the most serious long-term disad-
vantage of going steady appears to be early marriage,
dating a single person on a steady basis can provide
a sense of security for the adolescent and meet emo-
tional and social needs. In addition to feeling popu-
lar, adolescents who date steadily tend to be those
who report the highest self-esteem. Nevertheless, ad-
olescents who have clear educational and/or vocation-
al goals tend to go steady less often, and females who
have higher levels of self-esteem tend to date fre-
quently, but are less likely to go steady. Finally, multi-
ple dating often involves the adolescent in more
superficial relationships and provides fewer opportu-
nities to develop the interpersonal skills that are in-
volved in getting to know one person well.
Consequently, a moderate degree of dating with
more serious involvement delayed until late adoles-
cence may be the optimal balance. Haffner recom-
mended that parents set limits for children regarding
dating by deciding when, if, and under what circum-
stances the child may date and then supervising and
monitoring dating behavior. She advised parents to
talk with their children when they come home from
group or single dates, ask open-ended questions, and
listen without judging. Most importantly, she argued,
parents must take their children’s feelings seriously.
Dating and Sex
Dating is a major arena for exploring sexual ac-
tivity, and studies indicate that sexual behavior
among adolescents has increased. Jane Brooks re-
ported in The Process of Parenting that approximately
three-fourths of teens believe sex before marriage is
acceptable if two people love each other, although fe-
males more so than males link intercourse to feelings
of love. The genders agreed, however, that having a
reputation for being sexually active and going to the
male’s home when his parents are not there clearly
implies the expectation of intercourse.
According to Brooks, about one million girls be-
tween the ages of fifteen and nineteen become preg-
nant annually. Haffner reported that among teens in
grades seven to twelve, strong parental and family
connections and perceived parental disapproval were
related to the decision not to have intercourse. More
specifically, adolescents who felt close to their parents
were more likely to postpone intercourse, had fewer
sexual partners, and used contraception more reli-
ably when they did have intercourse than were teens
that were not close to their parents. Haffner encour-
aged parents to talk with their children about absti-
nence, as well as birth control and sexually
transmitted diseases, to better inform them about
which behaviors the parents feel are age-appropriate
and which are not. She cautioned against being too
restrictive, however, citing evidence that teens with
very strict parents are more likely to become preg-
nant. Most importantly, she contended, the child
needs to know the parents want him to come to them,
or another trusted adult, if he is beginning to think
about the possibility of sexual activity.Avoiding unwanted sex is also an issue for this age
group in that dating may lead to sexual activity that
is coerced or forced. Larry Bennett and Susan Finer-
an found that 43 percent of high school students re-
ported having been victimized by sexual or physical
violence within a one-year period; frequency esti-
mates indicate that between 15 and 25 percent of
high-school-aged females have been the victims of
date rape. These forms of violence among high
school peers tend to be influenced by relationship,
gender, effects on the victim, and apparent beliefs
about male role power and personal power. Since
many adolescents do not report their victimization,
those closely involved with adolescents should be
attentive to behavioral indicators of sexual abuse:
depression, psychosomatic illnesses, irritability,
avoidance of men, loss of confidence, nightmares,
fears of going outside/inside, and anxiety.Not Dating
Although romantic relationships are an integral
part of adolescence, approximately 10 percent of
male and female high school seniors report having
never dated. Adolescents who do not begin dating at108 DATING