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Dolph Kohnstamm
SIBLINGS AND SIBLING
RELATIONSHIPSAlthough psychologists first began to study siblings
and their relationships during the nineteenth centu-
ry, it was not until the late twentieth century when
they began to focus on the family related features of
sibling relationships. Early research was devoted to
examining the effects of siblings’ age spacing and
birth order. Scientists found, however, that these had
little to do with children’s emotional and social devel-
opment. During the 1980s and 1990s, psychologists
became more interested in the family as a unit. This
encouraged them to study the ways in which brothers
and sisters influence each other’s development and
their families’ well-being, as well as the family’s influ-
ence on sibling relationships.
Parents, as well as scientists, know that sibling re-
lationships can either enhance or disrupt family har-
mony and child development. For a long time,
parents have named conflict between siblings as one
of the most common and persistent problems that
they encounter in rearing their children. At the be-
ginning of the twenty-first century, this issue is partic-
ularly important for several reasons. First, more
parents are working full-time. Because of this, many
siblings care for their younger brothers and sisters be-
fore and after school. If siblings in this situation fight
frequently, the younger children are not likely to re-
ceive the kind of care that they need. Second, sibling
relationships tend to remain the same throughout
life. Brothers and sisters who get along well as chil-
dren are likely to continue to have a positive relation-
ship when they are adolescents and adults. On the
other hand, sibling rivalry that started in childhood
can continue well into adulthood and result in a dis-
tant relationship between the siblings. Given the ex-
tent to which siblings can support each other
emotionally, it is important to understand the foun-
dations of sibling relationship quality.
Individual Siblings’ Temperaments
Personal characteristics of the children involved
in a sibling relationship are important in determining
the kind of relationship that they will have. One of the
most thoroughly studied characteristics is tempera-
ment, which is defined as the style of behavior that a
person uses when relating to other people or to the
surrounding environment. It develops early in life, is
at least partly determined by a person’s genetic make-
up, and remains essentially the same across the life-
span. Although siblings share a considerable part of
their genetic makeup, children in the same family can
have quite different temperaments. Some children
are calm and easygoing, whereas others are impatient
and easily upset. Not surprisingly, easygoing children
experience less conflict in their sibling relationships
than impatient children do. When one sibling is easy-
going and another is impatient, the kind of relation-
ship that they have depends on which sibling has the
easygoing temperament. Sibling relationships run
more smoothly when the easygoing sibling is older
than the impatient one, because older children usual-
ly take charge of the situation when they are with their
younger siblings.Skills That Siblings Learn from One
Another
This taking charge helps both siblings develop
important life skills. Children’s development is en-
hanced when they interact with people who occupy a
variety of roles. Observations of siblings’ everyday be-
havior with one another have revealed that older sib-
lings act as teachers, managers, and helpers when
playing with their younger brothers and sisters, and
the younger siblings assume the corresponding learn-
er, managee, and helpee roles. In such situations, sib-
lings learn not only about their own roles but also
about the corresponding ones.
Cooperation and a general sense of goodwill be-
tween siblings certainly can enhance children’s devel-
opment. As in any close relationship, though, conflict
is bound to arise. This conflict need not be damaging
to the relationship. It can provide an opportunity for
siblings to vent their emotions, express their feelings,
and practice open communication. Both conflict and
friendliness between siblings help children learn to
consider other people’s feelings, needs, and beliefs.
Both kinds of behavior may be necessary to give chil-
dren a variety of experiences in learning to deal with
others. A balance of friendliness and conflict in sib-
ling relationships can provide a unique opportunity
for children to develop social and behavioral skills
that will enable them to manage anger and disagree-
ments and provide help and comfort to others.
Learning these skills in their relationships with their
siblings helps children form positive relationships
with their friends and adjust well to the social de-
mands that they encounter in school.Parents’ Guidance and Sibling Conflict
The ways in which parents handle their children’s
disagreements and quarrels is an important means
through which they help siblings form positiveSIBLINGS AND SIBLING RELATIONSHIPS 363