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second reaction is to holler some more. It comes naturally. Reacting that way appears to be easier than leaving my office,
working my way through the laundry room, and walking upstairs. It also appears easier than taking the time to think
about how I want to handle the situation. The problem is: bellowing and screaming do not work. It is not really easier. It
makes my throat sore and teaches the children how to make me sit in my office and screech.

Reacting usually does not work. We react too quickly, with too much intensity and urgency. Rarely can we do our best at
anything in this state of mind. I believe the irony is that we are not called upon or required to do things in this state of
mind. There is little in our lives we need to do that we cannot do better if we are peaceful. Few situationsno matter how
greatly they appear to demand itcan be bettered by us going berserk.

Why do we do it, then?

We react because we're anxious and afraid of what has happened, what might happen, and what is happening.

Many of us react as though everything is a crisis because we have lived with so many crises for so long that crisis
reaction has become a habit.

We react because we think things shouldn't be happening the way they are.

We react because we don't feel good about ourselves.

We react because most people react.

We react because we think we have to react.

We don't have to.

We don't have to be so afraid of people. They are just people like us.

We don't have to forfeit our peace. It doesn't help. We have the same facts and resources available to us when we're
peaceful that are available to us when we're frantic and chaotic. Actually we have more resources available because our
minds and emotions are free to perform at peak level.

We don't have to forfeit our power to think and feel for anyone or anything. That is also not required of us.

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We don't have to take things so seriously (ourselves, events, and other people). We blow things out of proportionour
feelings, thoughts, actions, and mistakes. We do the same thing with other people's feelings, thoughts, and actions. We
tell ourselves things are awful, terrible, a tragedy, and the end of the world. Many things might be sad, too bad, and
unpleasantbut the only thing that's the end of the world is the end of the world. Feelings are important, but they're only
feelings. Thoughts are important, but they're only thoughtsand we all think a lot of different things, and our thoughts are
subject to change. What we say and do is important, what others say and do is important, but the world doesn't hinge on
any particular speech or action. And if it is particularly important that something gets done or said, don't worry: It'll
happen. Lighten up. Give yourself and others room to move, to talk, to be who they areto be human. Give life a chance
to happen. Give yourself an opportunity to enjoy it.

We don't have to take other people's behaviors as reflections of our self-worth. We don't have to be embarrassed if
someone we love chooses to behave inappropriately. It's normal to react that way, but we don't have to continue to feel
embarrassed and less than if someone else continues to behave inappropriately. Each person is responsible for his or her
behavior. If another person behaves inappropriately, let him or her feel embarrassed for him- or herself. If you have done
nothing to feel embarrassed about, don't feel embarrassed. I know this is a tough concept, but it can be mastered.

We don't have to take rejection as a reflection of our self-worth. If somebody who is important (or even someone