might be stuck in anger, get professional help.
Some people believe we never have to become angry; if we control our thinking and are appropriately detached, we will
never react with or wallow around in anger. That's probably true; however, I prefer to relax and see what happens, rather
than guard myself rigidly. And like my friend, I'm leery of people who smile and tell me they never get mad. Don't
misunderstandI'm not advising us to hang onto anger or resentments. I don't believe anger should become our focus in
life, nor should we look for reasons to become angry to test ourselves. "It's not good to be angry all the time," says
counselor Esther Olson. It's not healthy to act hostile. There is much more to life than anger.
But it's okay to feel anger when we need to.
page_160Page 161Activity
- What do you think would happen if you started feeling your angry feelings?
2. What do you believe deep inside about anger? What myths about anger have you subscribed to? If you need to
subscribe to new beliefs about anger, do so. Attack the myths whenever they try to attack you.
3. How do the people in your current family situation deal with anger? How did your mother, father, brothers, and sisters
deal with their anger? What's your pattern for dealing with anger?
4. If you have repressed anger, write about it in your notebook. You may need to buy a new notebook and devote it to
anger.
5. If anger is a troublesome emotion for you, keep a pencil and paper handy and start writing about your anger as it
occurs throughout the day.
page_161Page 16315
Yes, You Can Think
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 1
11 Timothy 1:7
''What do you think I should do?'' a client, who was in the throes of her codependency, once asked me. The woman was
facing a significant decision regarding her husband and children.
"What do you think?" I asked.
"You're asking me?" she asked. "It takes me fifteen minutes at the grocery store to decide if I want to buy the 59-cent or
the 63-cent bottle of bleach. I can't make the tiniest decisions. How do you expect me to make a big, important one like
this?"
As codependents, many of us don't trust our minds. We truly understand the horror of indecision. The smallest choices,
such as what to order at the restaurant or which bottle of bleach to purchase, paralyze us. The larger significant decisions
we face, such as how to solve our problems, what to do with our lives, and who to live with, can overwhelm us. Many of
us simply give up and refuse to think about these things. Some of us allow other people or circumstances to make these
choices for us.
This is a short chapter, but it's an important one. Throughout the book, I have been encouraging you to think about
things, figure things out, decide what you need, decide what you want, and decide how to solve your problems. Some of