Coping with Adversity 285Divorce
This often follows years of decline in the parental relationship, and this
needs to be borne in mind when comparisons are made between children
from divorced and intact families: the differences are in part due to
pre-existing discord, poorer ability of the parents to relate, and so on.
Parents tend to feel anxious, depressed, angry, rejected and incompetent
during the first year after divorce, with these responses diminishing in
the second. The divorced parents frequently remain ambivalent about
their relationship with each other, often with resultant conflict; both
the strong positive and negative feelings reduce if parents find another
partner. Inconsistent parenting of children is frequent, especially of sons
by mothers. Conversely, mothers may be greatly harassed by their sons,
who may blame them for the loss of their fathers. Parents’ lives are
often dominated by practical issues such as not having enough money or
difficulty getting all the household chores done.
Children are also affected. Both at home and at school, social inter-
actions become markedly disrupted. There is much fantasy aggression,
opposition and fearfulness, with a need to seek help from, and proximity
to, adults; boys, especially, seek help from adult males. By comparison
with other children, they are more negative and less positive to adults.
Younger children usually hope desperately for a reconciliation even if
pre-divorce life had been characterised by severe discord. There is great
fear that the father might be replaced through remarriage. Prospective
longitudinal studies show that for a year or two following divorce, children
will, on average, experience a rise (of about a third of a standard deviation)
in disruptive behaviour, anxiety and depressive symptoms. Later follow-
up shows that though most of the children become well-functioning
individuals, the divorce had a big effect on their lives. For example, they
may be left with a lasting concern that their own intimate relationships
will end in separation and divorce. If parents remarry, the children have
to make further adjustments. While young children often show good
relationships with their step-fathers, older children frequently do not. On
average, boys are more distressed than girls by the divorce, while girls are
more distressed than boys if their mothers remarry.
Family discord
There is a marked association between psychiatric disorder and being
reared in a disharmonious home. Discord, angry arguments, hostility, and
criticism are related to disruptive behavioural disorders in boys, and to
emotional disorders in both sexes. Discord is a risk factor in itself, and not
simply a marker for other risk factors such as poverty, lack of rules or poor
supervision. For example, discord is a powerful predictor of psychiatric
problems even in well-off households. The absence of warmth in family
relationships is not as relevant as the presence of discord. Family discord is
so often connected with poorly administered discipline that it has been
hard to tease apart their respective impacts. However, when taking a