■ Pause. After you label a barrier or mirror a
statement, let it sink in. Don’t worry, the other
party will fill the silence.
■ Label your counterpart’s fears to diffuse their
power. We all want to talk about the happy stuff,
but remember, the faster you interrupt action in
your counterpart’s amygdala, the part of the
brain that generates fear, the faster you can
generate feelings of safety, well-being, and trust.
■ List the worst things that the other party could
say about you and say them before the other
person can. Performing an accusation audit in
advance prepares you to head off negative
dynamics before they take root. And because
these accusations often sound exaggerated when
said aloud, speaking them will encourage the
other person to claim that quite the opposite is
true.
■ Remember you’re dealing with a person who
wants to be appreciated and understood. So use
labels to reinforce and encourage positive
perceptions and dynamics.