other party’s natural inclination is to reply immediately and
disagree. No, our priorities haven’t changed. We’ve just
gotten bogged down and . . .
If you’re a parent, you already use this technique
instinctively. What do you do when your kids won’t leave
the house/park/mall? You say, “Fine. I’m leaving,” and you
begin to walk away. I’m going to guess that well over half
the time they yell, “No, wait!” and run to catch up. No one
likes to be abandoned.
Now, this may seem like a rude way to address someone
in business, but you have to get over that. It’s not rude, and
though it’s direct, it’s cloaked with the safety of “No.”
Ignoring you is what’s rude. I can tell you that I’ve used this
successfully not just in North America, but with people in
two different cultures (Arabic and Chinese) famous for
never saying “No.”
KEY LESSONS
Using this chapter’s tools in daily life is difficult for many
people because they go directly against one of society’s
biggest social dictums. That is, “Be nice.”
We’ve instrumentalized niceness as a way of greasing
the social wheels, yet it’s often a ruse. We’re polite and we
don’t disagree to get through daily existence with the least
degree of friction. But by turning niceness into a lubricant,
we’ve leeched it of meaning. A smile and a nod might
signify “Get me out of here!” as much as it means “Nice to
meet you.”