Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It

neighbors, it’s pretty clear that he doesn’t think much of
them (we’ll dig deeper into how to spot and use these cues
in Chapter 9).
Picking up on these tiny pieces of information is how
psychics work. They size up their client’s body language
and ask him a few innocent questions. When they “tell” his
future a few minutes later, they’re really just saying what he
wants to hear based on small details they’ve spotted. More
than a few psychics would make good negotiators for that
very reason.
Once you’ve spotted an emotion you want to highlight,
the next step is to label it aloud. Labels can be phrased as
statements or questions. The only difference is whether you
end the sentence with a downward or upward inflection. But
no matter how they end, labels almost always begin with
roughly the same words:
It seems like . . .
It sounds like . . .
It looks like . . .
Notice we said “It sounds like . . .” and not “I’m hearing
that . . .” That’s because the word “I” gets people’s guard
up. When you say “I,” it says you’re more interested in
yourself than the other person, and it makes you take
personal responsibility for the words that follow—and the
offense they might cause.
But when you phrase a label as a neutral statement of
understanding, it encourages your counterpart to be
responsive. They’ll usually give a longer answer than just