the client. Self-disclosure was a concept that originated from psychodynamic theory with the intent of
keeping the therapist’s issues from interfering with the client’s progress—but the therapist’s stories of
progress and outcome, equally, can be a beneficial element in the therapeutic process. In other words,
I do not see it so much as a question of whetheryou use personal life experiences but rather howyou
do so. If it is to discuss your unresolved issues in the therapy session (e.g., by telling a matching story
of how you can identify with the client’s problem, but not having a resolution), it may not be help-
ful. If, on the other hand, the intent and function of telling an outcome-oriented tale is to facilitate
the client’s goal attainment, it may well make the relationship therapeutic. Such use of personal life-
experience stories should not be an act of disclosure so much as a process of sharing something rel-
evant to the client’s outcome process. These outcome-relevant therapist experiences can be woven
into a metaphor in much the same way as a client case, a cultural story, or evidence-based data about
a certain condition.
There may be times when you have an appropriate outcome-oriented story from your own ex-
perience but choose not to tell it as yourstory, as it may distract from the story’s message or it may not
be relevant to speak of your foibles, grief, pain, or whatever. It is easy to shift such personal stories
from the first person into the third, as I have done in Story 14, “Let Joe Do It.” This is a story from
my own childhood that I could tell as my story, if appropriate, or shift into the third person (“Joe”
was a pet name my father had for me when I was a child) to distance myself from the story while still
communicating the metaphoric outcome.
To ensure the effectiveness of using personal life experiences as therapeutic teaching tales, sev-
eral steps may be helpful to bear in mind:
- Be mindful of the story’s purpose. Its function is notto disclose something about the therapist
but rather to create a beneficial learning experience for the client. - Remember for whom the story is intended. It is not your story that matters so much as how chil-
dren will hear it, adopt it, and employ it for themselves. - Keep the goal of the story in mind.A story from your own experience, or indeed from any
source, works best if it closely matches the child’s issues and desired outcome. - Ensure the story is relevant to the context. Stories of personal experience are more likely to be
accepted when they are part of the context of a conversation. - Follow the PRO-Approach (see Chap. 16). This will help keep the story on track, addressing
the Problems relevant to the child, accessing the Resources appropriate for their resolution,
and providing an appropriate Outcome. - Observe the child’s responses, carefully. They will tell you if the child is disinterested, distracted,
bored, angry, or finding the story irrelevant. - Discontinue using personal metaphors (or any others) if not helpful. If your stories do not hold the
child’s attention, change your stories, or your whole therapeutic approach. Good therapy is
about finding what works, and what works best.
254 Creating Your Own Healing Stories for Kids