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about the officers who had strapped him into the chair. I kept thinking that no one could
actually believe this was a good thing to do or even a necessary thing to do.
The next day there were articles in the press about the execution. Some state officials
expressed happiness and excitement that an execution had taken place, but I knew that none
of them had actually dealt with the details of killing Herbert. In debates about the death
penalty, I had started arguing that we would never think it was humane to pay someone to
rape people convicted of rape or assault and abuse someone guilty of assault or abuse. Yet we
were comfortable killing people who kill, in part because we think we can do it in a manner
that doesn’t implicate our own humanity, the way that raping or abusing someone would. I
couldn’t stop thinking that we don’t spend much time contemplating the details of what
killing someone actually involves.
I went back to my office the next day with renewed energy. I picked up my other case files
and made updated plans for how to assist each client to maximize the chance of avoiding an
execution. Eventually, I recognized that all my fresh resolve didn’t change much—I was really
only trying to reconcile myself to the realities of Herbert’s death. I was comforted by the
exercise just the same. I felt more determined to recruit staff and obtain resources to meet the
growing challenges of providing legal assistance to condemned people. Eva and I talked about
a few people who had expressed interest in joining our staff. There was some new financial
support possible from a foundation, and that afternoon we finally received the office
equipment we had ordered. By the end of the day, I was persuaded things would improve,
even while I felt newly burdened by the weight of it all.