generous and open, creative teams were willing to share ideas with him and welcome his input, rather
than guarding their turf more closely.
Lane’s ability to contribute to creative teams attracted the attention of senior management. At an
unusually early stage in his career, Lane was invited to play a key role in the world-renowned
“Drivers wanted” campaign for Volkswagen. “Givers fear that they’ll become invisible,” Lane says.
“But I’ve seen givers thrive because people like working with and trust them. Realizing this was a
major turbo boost early in my career.” Lane was promoted more quickly than many of his peers, and
he is now an executive vice president and executive director at Arnold. In the words of one creative
vice president, “Don is a complete team player... If I have another opportunity to work with Don—I
would jump at the chance.”
An analysis of tentative talk points to another reason why Dave Walton’s stutter might have helped
him connect with the jury in the trade secrets trial. Hesitations, hedges, and intensifiers are built-in
features of stuttering. When a jury hears Dave Walton stutter, he no longer sounds dominant and
imposing. They don’t feel that he’s trying to convince them, so they lower their resistance. They
become just a bit more open to being persuaded by him.
When givers use powerless speech, they show us that they have our best interests at heart. But
there’s one role in which people tend to avoid talking tentatively: leadership. Not long ago, a
marketing manager named Barton Hill found out why. He was leading a business unit at a financial
services firm, and he was invited to interview for a major promotion to a higher-level position,
where he would lead multiple business units. The interviewer opened with a softball question: tell us
about your successes. Hill started talking about his team’s accomplishments, which were quite
impressive.
Although Hill was the front-runner for the position, he didn’t get it. The interviewer told him he
didn’t sound like a leader. “I kept using words like we and us,” Hill says. “I didn’t use enough first-
person singular pronouns, like I and me. I found out later that it didn’t seem like I was a leader. He
thought I didn’t drive the team’s success, and wanted someone who could.” The interviewer expected
Hill to speak more assertively, and powerless communication cost him the job.
By speaking with greater speed, volume, assertiveness, and certainty, takers convince us that they
know what they’re talking about. In one study conducted by psychologists in California, takers were
judged by group members as more competent, but in reality, they weren’t more competent. Takers, the
study’s authors report, “attain influence because they behave in ways that make them appear
competent—even when they actually lack competence.”
By failing to use powerful speech in his interview, Barton Hill failed to create the impression of
dominance. Yet the same powerless communication that cost him the promotion ended up earning
prestige, making his teams successful. Whereas powerful communication might be effective in a one-
shot job interview, in a team or a service relationship, it loses the respect and admiration of others.
Psychologists in Amsterdam have shown that although group members perceive takers as highly
effective leaders, takers actually undermine group performance. Speaking dominantly convinces
group members that takers are powerful, but it stifles information sharing, preventing members from
communicating good ideas. “Teams love it when their leader presents a work product as a
collaborative effort. That’s what inspires them to contribute,” Hill reflects. “The paradox comes from
people thinking an inclusive leader isn’t strong enough to lead a team, when in fact that leader is
stronger, because he engenders the support of the team. People bond to givers, like
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