role, so they’re reluctant to burden or inconvenience others. Helgeson and Fritz find that selfless
givers receive far less support than otherish givers, which proves psychologically and physically
costly. As burnout expert Christina Maslach and colleagues conclude, “there is now a consistent and
strong body of evidence that a lack of social support is linked to burnout.”
In contrast, otherish givers recognize the importance of protecting their own well-being. When
they’re on the brink of burnout, otherish givers seek help, which enables them to marshal the advice,
assistance, and resources necessary to maintain their motivation and energy. Three decades of
research show that receiving support from colleagues is a robust antidote to burnout. “Having a
support network of teachers is huge,” Conrey affirms.
But Overbrook didn’t have a formal support network of teachers, so where did Conrey get her
support network? She built one at Overbrook through the act of giving help.
For many years, experts believed that the stress response involved a choice: fight or flight. Since
burnout means we lack the energy to fight, it’s natural to choose flight, coping by avoiding the source
of stress. Burnout experts Jonathon Halbesleben and Matthew Bowler studied professional
firefighters over a two-year period. Sure enough, when the firefighters started to burn out, their
performance ratings dropped. Burnout made them less concerned about achievement and status.
Consequently, they invested less effort in their work, and their effectiveness suffered.
But surprisingly, in this study, burnout didn’t decrease effort across the board. There was one
place where firefighters actually increased their effort when they felt burned out: helping others.
When the firefighters experienced signs of burnout, they were more likely to go out of their way to
help colleagues with heavy workloads, share new knowledge with supervisors, give advice to newer
colleagues, and even listen to colleagues’ problems. Why would burnout increase their giving?
UCLA psychologist Shelley Taylor has discovered a stress response that differs from fight or
flight. She calls it tend and befriend. “One of the most striking aspects of the human stress response
is the tendency to affiliate—that is, to come together in groups to provide and receive joint protection
in threatening times.” Taylor’s neuroscience research reveals that when we feel stressed, the brain’s
natural response is to release chemicals that drive us to bond. This is what the firefighters did: when
they started to feel exhausted, they invested their limited energy in helping their colleagues.
Intuitively, they recognized that giving would strengthen their relationships and build support (at least
from matchers and givers). Although most givers are aware of this opportunity, it appears that only
otherish givers actually take advantage of it.
Conrey Callahan built her support network by tending and befriending under stress. When she was
at the pinnacle of exhaustion, she started mentoring TFA teachers and several of the younger teachers
in her own school. One of the teachers Conrey mentored was Sarah. In the course of mentoring, one of
the exercises that Conrey taught Sarah was the monster activity. Conrey had forgotten about it, and
when she reached out for help, Sarah reminded her about it. The advice itself was helpful, but it also
strengthened Conrey’s sense of impact: she had given Sarah an activity that was a big hit with her
own students.
Otherish givers build up a support network that they can access for help when they need it. This,
along with chunking giving so that it’s energizing, is what makes otherish givers less vulnerable to
burnout than selfless givers. But how do otherish givers stack up against takers and matchers?
michael s
(Michael S)
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