examined a fingerprint evaluation sheet and remarked, “This is interesting. You both have Type E
fingerprints.”
Now, would you be more likely to help?
It depends on how the similarity was framed. Half of the time, the researcher mentioned that Type
E fingerprints are common: about 80 percent of the population has them. The other half of the time, the
researcher mentioned that Type E fingerprints are very rare: only about 2 percent of the population
has them.
When the similarity was common, 55 percent of participants helped—hardly more than the control
group. But when the similarity was rare, 82 percent of participants helped. It was not just any
commonality that drove people to act like givers. It was an uncommon commonality. In Pelham’s
studies, name-similarity effects on where we live, what careers we choose, and whom we marry are
stronger for people with rare names than common names. We gravitate toward people, places, and
products with which we share an uncommon commonality. This is the bond that the two Adam Rifkins
felt when they first connected. Adam Rifkin is a rare name, and the uncommon commonality may have
greased the attraction process. Indeed, Pelham’s research shows that the more unique your name is,
the more likely you are to identify with places that resemble your name.
To explain why uncommon commonalities are so transformative, the psychologist Marilynn
Brewer developed an influential theory. On the one hand, we want to fit in: we strive for connection,
cohesiveness, community, belonging, inclusion, and affiliation with others. On the other hand, we
want to stand out: we search for uniqueness, differentiation, and individuality. As we navigate the
social world, these two motives are often in conflict. The more strongly we affiliate with a group, the
greater our risk of losing our sense of uniqueness. The more we work to distinguish ourselves from
others, the greater our risk of losing our sense of belongingness.
How do we resolve this conflict? The solution is to be the same and different at the same time.
Brewer calls it the principle of optimal distinctiveness: we look for ways to fit in and stand out. A
popular way to achieve optimal distinctiveness is to join a unique group. Being part of a group with
shared interests, identities, goals, values, skills, characteristics, or experiences gives us a sense of
connection and belonging. At the same time, being part of a group that is clearly distinct from other
groups gives us a sense of uniqueness. Studies show that people identify more strongly with
individuals and groups that share unique similarities. The more rare a group, value, interest, skill, or
experience is, the more likely it is to facilitate a bond. And research indicates that people are happier
in groups that provide optimal distinctiveness, giving a sense of both inclusion and uniqueness. These
are the groups in which we take the most pride, and feel the most cohesive and valued.
Freecycle initially provided a sense of optimal distinctiveness through its emphasis on protecting
the environment. The central goal was different from most recycling movements: instead of
reprocessing old materials into new ones, members found recipients who wanted goods that couldn’t
be reprocessed, keeping them out of landfills. This common purpose created a shared identity within
the Freecycle community, fostering a sense of connection across diverse ideologies. The original
group of Freecycle volunteers in Tucson included a liberal Democrat who was passionate about
environmental sustainability, a conservative Republican who didn’t believe in waste, and a
Libertarian who wanted to empower people to do things themselves, rather than relying on
governmental support. Over time, as membership expanded and diversified, each Freecycle
community provided an outlet for people to customize giving to their own interests. In New York, for
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