thus to provide them with better deals at little cost to him- or herself,” Barry and Friedman write. The
more intelligent you are, the more you help your counterpart succeed. This is exactly what Derek did
when he gave the agent more money for the minor league player. He was giving in an otherish way
that was low cost to him but high benefit to the agent and the player. A few thousand dollars was
small potatoes to his team, but very significant to the player.
What drove Derek to shift in the giver direction? Shortly before the negotiation with the agent,
Derek had gained a window into something that mattered deeply to him: his reputation. At the end of
the negotiation course, every participant submitted votes for negotiation awards. Derek received zero
votes for Most Cooperative, zero for Most Creative, and zero for Most Ethical. In fact, there was only
one award for which he received any votes. For this particular award, Derek received the vast
majority of the votes. He was the landslide winner for Most Ruthless.
But Derek achieved something more memorable that week. He became the only student in
business school history to be voted the Most Ruthless negotiator in a class that he never took. At the
same time that he was enrolled in his course, another negotiation class was under way. None of these
students in the other class ever sat across the bargaining table from Derek. Some of them had never
met him. Yet his reputation spread so quickly that they voted for him as Most Ruthless anyway.
Derek was negotiating the way any reasonable person would in a taker’s world. As a professional
athlete, he had learned that if he didn’t claim as much value as possible, he was at risk for becoming a
doormat. “It was the team against the player. The team was always trying to take money out of my
pocket, so I viewed a negotiation to be a combative process, which produced a winner and a loser,”
Derek says. “I had to try to take more and more.” After being anointed the Most Ruthless negotiator
by his peers—and a group of strangers—Derek began to reflect on his reciprocity style at the
bargaining table. “While I gained a short-term benefit by taking, in the long run I paid. My
relationship with a colleague was ruined, and it caused the demise of my reputation,” he said. In the
negotiation with the agent, when he ripped up the contract and gave the agent more money, “It built
goodwill. The agent was extremely appreciative,” Derek reflects. “When the player came up for free
agency, the agent gave me a call. Looking back on it now, I’m really glad I did it. It’s definitely
improved our relationship, and helped out our organization. Maybe Most Ruthless is maturing.”
Actually, I believe maturing is the wrong way to describe Derek’s transformation. Maturation
implies a process of growth and development, but in a sense, Derek was actually taking a step
backward to express core values that he had embraced for years away from the bargaining table. Long
before he ever negotiated like a taker, his peers perceived him as a generous, helpful person who
would make time for anyone who asked. He spent countless hours providing advice to colleagues
who were interested in sports management careers and mentoring young athletes who aspired to
follow in his footsteps. Growing up, he was elected captain of virtually every team on which he
played, from elementary school through high school, all the way through college. He even became
captain as a rookie on his first professional team—players twice his age respected his commitment to
putting the team’s interests ahead of his own.
At the bargaining table, Derek’s transition wasn’t about learning a new set of values. It was about
developing the confidence and courage to express an old set of values in a new domain. I believe this
is true for most people who operate like matchers professionally, and my hope is that others like
Derek won’t wait for a Most Ruthless award to start finding ways to act in the interest of others at
work. For Derek these days, a signature form of giving is helping opposing teams gather information
michael s
(Michael S)
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