The Book of Joy

from helping others comes from the release of oxytocin, the same
hormone that is released by lactating mothers. This hormone seems to
have health benefits, including the reduction of inflammation in the
cardiovascular system. Compassion literally makes our heart healthy and
happy.
Compassion also seems to be contagious. When we see others being
compassionate, we are more likely to be compassionate. This results in a
feeling called “moral elevation,” and that is one of the aspects of joy that
Paul Ekman had identified. Recent research by social scientists Nicholas
Christakis and James Fowler suggests that this ripple effect can extend
out to two and three degrees of separation. In other words, experiments
with large numbers of people show that if you are kind and
compassionate, your friends, your friends’ friends, and even your friends’
friends’ friends are more likely to become kind and compassionate.
We fear compassion because we’re afraid of experiencing the
suffering, the vulnerability, and the helplessness that can come with
having an open heart. Psychologist Paul Gilbert found that many people
are afraid that if they are compassionate they will be taken advantage of,
that others will become dependent on them, and that they won’t be able to
handle others’ distress.
One of the differences between empathy and compassion is that while
empathy is simply experiencing another’s emotion, compassion is a more
empowered state where we want what is best for the other person. As the
Dalai Lama has described it, if we see a person who is being crushed by a
rock, the goal is not to get under the rock and feel what they are feeling;
it is to help to remove the rock.
Many people are also afraid of receiving compassion from others
because they are afraid that others will want something in return or that
they will at least feel indebted. Finally, many people are even afraid of
being self-compassionate because they are afraid they will become weak,
that they will not work as hard, or that they will be overcome with
sadness and grief. Gilbert says, “Compassion can flow naturally when we
understand and work to remove our fears, our blocks, and our resistances
to it. Compassion is one of the most difficult and courageous of all our