Givereasonsforyouranswerandincludeanyrelevantexamplesfromyourown
knowledgeorexperience.
modelanswer:
Nowadays, purposeofeducation beingchangedinKorea.TherearesomePeoplewho
thinkthatcompetitioninchildrenshould bemade,also othersbelievethatchildrenwho
aretaughttoco-operateaswellasbecomemoreusefwladults.Thereareadvantages
and disadvantagesforboth ofthearguments.
To beginwith,whatisgoodifasenseofcompetitionmchildrenismade?Theycould
developethemselvesmoreandmoreastheylearnandstudyalottowinfromthe
competitbn.To provethis,inKorea,itispopular-evencommon now-to haveatutor
whocometostudent'shousetoteachextrapiecesofstudywith payingalotofmoney.
Theylearnfasterthanwhattheylearnatschool.Furthermore, duringthe vacations,
studentsstudyabroadtolearnEnglishforamonthinstead ofrevise
schoolwork.Ifthey haveexperimentssuchasstudyabroad,itisoneofthe greatest
pluspointto gotothefamouswell-known high-school.Moreover,therearefourbig
schoolexamandtwo nationalexaminationstoteststudents'levelofstudies.
Generally, onlythehighest40%
can gotothegood quatrty highschoolsandcolleges.Childrenlearnasmuchasthey
can,towimthecompetitionto obtain good qualityschools.
Ontheotherhand,astheyarebusytoentertheschoolsandstudyindividuallywith
theirowntutors,thereareproblems.They becomeselfish.They becomecarelessand
don'thelp othersalotifitisaboutstudies.Therewillbenoco-operationsforthem.
Then,whyaretherecompaniesformany peopletoworkin?
Each ofthemareclever, however,thereareweak partsandstrong partsforeach
person.Toco-operateistoimprovethis part.Peopletalkandlistentowhatothers
thmking ofandlearn.Thatcouldalso bea greatopportunitytolearninstead oflearning
alonewith oneteacher.
Inconclusion,Istronglyagreewiththatchildrenshould betaughttoco-operaterather
thancompete.Nobodyisperfect.Peoplelearntogether,worktogetherto develop
each other.Therefore,Iwant parentsandteacherstoeducatechildrenconcentrating
onco-operation, notcompeteandrankingthem.
( 365 words)
Thisisan answerwritten byacandidatewhoachieved aBand 6score.Hereisthe
examiner'scomment:
Althoughtheanswerconsidersthemainissuesinthequestion,itdealsmuchmorewith
theaspectof'competition'thanit doeswith'co-operation'.Someofthesupporting
examplesareoverdevelopedand divertthereaderawayfromtheargument.However,
themain pointsarerelevantandthewriter'spointofviewis generallyclear.
Theargumenthasalogicalprogressionandthereissomegood useoflinking
expressions,thoughtheuseofrhetorical questionstosignaltopicchangesisnot very
skilful.Therearealsoexamplesof overusingmarkers,and oferrorsinreferencing.