Born a Crime

I sat close by her bed, holding
her hand, waiting and watching her
breathe, a flood of thoughts going
through my mind. I was still afraid I
was going to lose her. I was angry at
myself for not being there, angry at
the police for all the times they
didn’t arrest Abel. I told myself I
should have killed him years ago,
which was ridiculous to think
because I’m not capable of killing
anyone, but I thought it anyway. I
was angry at the world, angry at
God. Because all my mom does is
pray. If there’s a fan club for Jesus,
my mom is definitely in the top
100, and this is what she gets?