“What   are you doing   at  two in  the morning?!”  she asked
in  her I’m-not-really-yelling-but-I-am-in-my-head  voice.
“Um.    .   .   .”  I   stammered.  “Uh.    .   .   .”  I   knew    she’d   never
believe  me  if  I   told    her     the     truth,  so  I   decided     to  use     my
previously  successful  tactic  of  offering    her an  excuse  before
I    offered     an  explanation.    “I  couldn’t    sleep!”     That    should
satisfy her curiosity.
“Yes,   but what    are you doing,  and why are you making
so   much    noise,  and     why     does    it  smell   like    béchamel    and
creamed spinach in  here?”
“Well    .   .   .,  I   couldn’t    sleep   so  I   decided     to  make    a
lasagna.”
She  stared  at  me  blankly     for     a   moment,     then    turned
around  and shuffled    back    to  the bedroom,    muttering,  “What
did I   marry?” under   her breath.
IF SHE had given me a longer chance to explain, I
would    have    been    able    to  foist   the     blame   squarely    on  the
shoulders    of  Serious     Eats    community   member
KarmaFreeCooking.   She’d   started up  a   “Talk”  thread  titled
“Vegetarian Lasagna Throwdown—Ideas to  Win over    Any
Meat    Eater,” explaining  that    she’d   been    issued  the challenge
of  bringing    a   vegetarian  lasagna good    enough  to  compete
with    a   meaty   one to  a   lasagna party.
I    was     not     invited     to  this    party,  nor     was     I   officially
challenged, but,    challenge   accepted.
The Layers
I   started with    a   base    of  lightly creamed spinach.    I   considered
going   the easy    route   with    frozen  leaves, but figured that    if
