11 0 The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook
they loved. Immediately, Laura began pressuring Claire to buy it. “Don’t worry about how much it
costs,” Laura said. Claire looked at herself in the mirror and fell in love with the dress, regardless
of the price tag. Claire was about to buy the dress when she remembered to use wise mind to help
her make her decision. Her emotion mind loved the dress, but her reasonable mind reminded her
that she already had a hefty credit card bill and this dress was far too expensive. In the dressing
room, Claire took a few slow, deep breaths and put her hand on her center of wise mind. Her
abdomen felt very nervous, not happy and excited. Instantly, she knew it was a very bad idea to
buy the expensive dress, so she gave it back to the salesclerk and left the store.
Claire was proud of herself for making the right decision, but the drama didn’t end there.
Laura began making fun of Claire for being “too cheap” to buy the dress. Again, Claire’s mind
began to fill with judgments about Laura. She did her best to let them go, but as Laura continued
to ridicule her, Claire’s only goal became leaving the mall and dropping Laura at home. Internally,
Claire wanted to scream at Laura, but she knew that would end up in a big fight. Claire thought
about doing what was effective in that moment. She knew that she just had to get home as quickly
and safely as possible without getting into a fight that she might later regret.
Claire drove home silently, listening to Laura’s criticisms. She was relieved when she finally
let Laura off at her house. Later, when Claire was feeling less angry, she even found the courage
to call Laura to discuss what happened. Claire did a great job using mindful “I” statements such
as “I felt hurt when you teased me.” Laura understood and said she was sorry. Claire was proud of
herself for handling the situation in a new, healthier way.
BE MINDFuL OF YOuR MINDFuLNESS ACTIvITIES
Obviously, it will take lots of practice to become as mindful as Claire was in that situation. But
hopefully, you see the benefits of using mindfulness in all of your daily tasks.
In the beginning of chapter 3, Basic Mindfulness Skills, you learned that there were three
main reasons why you should learn mindfulness skills:
1. They will help you focus on one thing at a time in the present moment, and by doing
this you can better control and soothe your overwhelming emotions.2. They will help you learn to identify and separate judgmental thoughts from your
experiences.3. They will help you develop wise mind.Unfortunately, there is no shortcut to becoming instantaneously and permanently mindful.
But as Dr. Charles Tart said, learning how to be mindful isn’t a strenuous activity; you simply
have to remember to do it. So, however you need to remember to be mindful, we hope it works for
you. One way is to use the Weekly Mindfulness Activities Record on page 112. This will help you
remember to follow your daily mindfulness regimen. Make photocopies of this page for each week
to record how often you use mindful breathing, wise-mind meditation, and do tasks mindfully.