The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook for Anxiety

Advanced Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills 213

LISTENING-B LOCK ExERCISE

Situation Blocks to Listening

1.

2.

3.

During the next week, notice how often you use your favorite listening blocks. Commit to
replacing them with assertive listening (see key questions under Assertive Listening on page 211).

SAYING NO

The ability to say no is a vital part of healthy communication. Without it, any relationship is
dangerous—it’s like getting in a car with a gas pedal and no brakes. You have no control over
what people do to you.
Saying no is simple and hard at the same time. The words are simple, but often it takes
courage to say them. Let’s start with the “how” of saying no. There are only two steps:

1. Validate the other person’s needs or desires.

2. State a clear preference not to do it.

Here are some examples:

 “Action movies with a high body count are a lot of fun, but I’d prefer something

calmer tonight.”

 “I’ve seen chartreuse used to good advantage—it’s a dynamic color—but I’d prefer

something pastel in the bedroom.”

 “I can see why you want to confront Ian (our son), but I don’t feel comfortable with

an approach that risks him turning his back on us.”