44 The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook
you right now as you read this. Are you thinking of something else? Are you thinking of something
that happened in the past or something that’s coming up in the future? What does your body feel
like right now? Pay attention to it. Do you notice any spots of tension or physical pain? How are
you breathing? Are you taking full, deep breaths, or are you breathing very shallowly?
Often, we don’t pay attention to what’s happening to us. We don’t pay attention to what
people are saying to us or to the things that we read. We don’t even pay attention to who’s around
us while we’re walking. And to make it even more problematic, we often try to do more than one
thing at the same time, like driving, eating, and talking on the phone simultaneously. As a result,
we miss a lot of what life has to offer and we often make easy situations more difficult.
But even worse, not living in the present moment can also make life more painful. For
example, maybe you anticipate that the person with whom you’re talking is going to say something
insulting, which makes you feel angry—even though the person hasn’t even said anything yet! Or
maybe just thinking about past events makes you feel physically or emotionally upset, which then
interferes with whatever you’re trying to do at the moment. Obviously, both types of time traveling
can make any event unnecessarily painful.
In chapters 3 through 5 on mindfulness skills, you’ll learn advanced skills to help you stay in
the moment. But for now, try the following exercises to help you live in the moment and tolerate
distressing events more skillfully.
Exercise: “Where Are You Now?”
The next time you’re in a distressing situation, ask yourself the following questions:
Where am I right now? Am I time traveling in the future, worrying about something that might happen,
or planning something that might happen? Am I time traveling in the past, reviewing mistakes, reliving bad experiences, or
thinking about how my life could have been under different circumstances? Or am I in the present, really paying attention to what I’m doing, thinking, and
feeling?If you’re not in the present moment, refocus your attention on what’s happening to you now
by using the following steps:
Notice what you’re thinking about and recognize if you’re time traveling. Bring
your focus back to the present moment.
Notice how you’re breathing. Take slow, long breaths to help you refocus on the
present.