112 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS- You know you have information a coworker could use, but
keep it to yourself.
Even small sellouts like these get us started telling clever stories.
When we don't admit to our own mistakes, we obsess about others'
faults, our innocence, and our powerlessness to do anything other
than what we're already doing. We tell a clever story when we want
self-justification more than results. Of course, self-justification is
not what we really want, but we certainly act as if it is.
With that sad fact in mind, let's focus on what we really want.
Let's look at the final Master My Stories skill.
Tell the Rest of the Story
Once we've learned to recognize the clever stories we tell our
selves, we can move to the final Master My Stories skill. The dia
logue-smart recognize that they're telling clever stories, stop,
and then do what it takes to tell a usefu l story. A useful story, by
definition, creates emotions that lead to healthy action-such as
dialogue.
And what transforms a clever story into a useful one? The rest
of the story. That's because clever stories have one characteristic
in common: They're incomplete. Clever stories omit crucial
information about us, about others, and about our options. Only
by including all of these essential details can clever stories be
transformed into useful ones.
What's the best way to fill in the missing details? Quite sim
ply, it's done by turning victims into actors, villains into humans,
and the helpless into the able. Here's how.
Tu rn victims into actors. If you notice that you're talking
about yourself as an innocent victim (and you weren't held up at
gunpoint), ask:
- Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem?