Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

186 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS

HOW TO PREPARE FOR A CRUCIAL CONVERSATION

Here's one last tool to help you organize what we've shared about
mastering crucial conversations. This tool will help you prepare
for an upcoming crucial conversation or learn from one that
you've already held.
Take a look at the table entitled Coaching for Crucial
Conversations, which follows. The first column in the table lists
the seven dialogue principles we've shared. The second column
summarizes the skills associated with each principle. The final
column is the best place to start coaching yourself or others. This
column includes a list of questions that will help you apply spe­
cific skills to your conversations.

Coaching for Crucial Conversations

Principle

1. Start with
   Heart
   (Chapter 3)


2. Learn to
   Look
   (Chapter 4)

Skill

Focus on what you

really want.

Refuse the Sucker's

Choice.

Look for when the

conversation becomes

crucial.

Look for saftey problems.

Look for our own Style

Under Stress.

Crucial Question

What am I acting like

I really want?

What do I really want?

• For me?


• For others?


• For the relationship?
  How would I behave if I
  really did want this?
  What do I not want?
  How should I go about
  getting what I really want
  and avoiding what I don't
  want?
  Am I going to silence or
  violence?
  Are others?