CHANGE YOUR LIFE 217EMOTIONEmotions don't help much either. And, of course, crucial con
versations are defined by their emotional characteristics. Your
ability to pull yourself out of the content of a discussion and to
focus on the process is inversely proportional to your level of
emotion. The more you care about what's happening, the less
likely you are to think about how you're conducting yourself.
It's almost unfair. The bigger the deal, the less likely you are
to bring your newly acquired skill-set into the conversation. Like
it or not, if your adrenaline is flowing, you're almost guaranteed
to jump to your Style Under Stress.
Between surprise and emotion, it's hard to know which is the
bigger enemy of change. Both make it hard to remember to act
in new ways.
SCRIPTS
Now let's look at still another enemy of change-scripts. Scripts
are pre bundled phrases we use in common conversations; they
form the very foundation of social habits and often make change
almost impossible. Consider the following.
When we learn to speak, first come words, then phrases, and
then scripts. The larger the bundles of words we carry around, the
less we have to worry about combining them into sensible expres
sions. Also the less we have to fret over syntax or grammar-that
work has already been done for us.
Unfortunately, predetermined expressions also put us into a
sort of mental autopilot. Consider what happens when you walk
into a fast-food restaurant. Do you think about the words you'll
choose? Probably not. That's because when you enter familiar
circumstances, you're carrying not only words and phrases, but
an entire script in your head.