20 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONSthem apart from the rest of the pack was their ability to deal with
crucial conversations. When talking turned tough and stakes
were high, they excelled. But how? Kevin wasn't that different.
He did step up to a tough issue and help the team make a better
choice, but what exactly did he do? Did he possess learnable
skills, or was what he did more magical than manageable?
To answer these questions, first, let's explore what Kevin was
able to achieve. This will help us see where we're trying to go. Then
we'll examine the dialogue tools effective communicators routinely
use and learn to apply them to our own crucial conversations.
THE "ONE THING"
If you've seen the movie City Slickers, you may remember a scene
where the crusty character Curly explains that if you want to suc
ceed in life you have to do one thing. Then, in typical Hollywood
fashion, he explains that he's not about to tell you what that one
thing is. You have to figure it out yourself.
We won't pull a Curly. We'll reveal the one thing. When it
comes to risky, controversial, and emotional conversations, skilled
people fi nd a way to get all relevant information (from themselves
and others) out into the open.
That's it. At the core of every successful conversation lies the
free flow of relevant information. People openly and honestly
express their opinions, share their feelings, and articulate their
theories. They willingly and capably share their views, even when
their ideas are controversial or unpopular. It's the one thing, and
it's precisely what Kevin and the other extremely effective com
municators we studied were routinely able to achieve.
Now, to put a label on this spectacular talent-it's called dia
logue.
di·a·logue or di·a·log (di' a-lOg", -log) n
The free flow of meaning between two or more people.