Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

MASTERING CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS 25

especially our high-stakes, sensitive, and controversial opinions,
feelings, and ideas-and to get others to share their pools. We
have to develop the tools that make it safe for us to discuss these
issues and to come to a shared pool of meaning. And when we do,
our lives change.

DIALOGUE SKILLS ARE LEARNABLE

And now for the really good news. The skills required to master
high-stakes interactions are quite easy to spot and moderately
easy to learn. First consider the fact that a well-handled crucial
conversation all but leaps out at you. In fact, when you see some­
one enter the dangerous waters of a high-stakes, high-emotion,
controversial discussion-and the person does a particularly
good job-your natural reaction is to step back in awe. "Wow!"
is generally the first word out of your mouth. What starts as a
doomed discussion ends up with a healthy resolution. It can take
your breath away.
More importantly, not only are dialogue skills easy to spot, but
they're also fairly easy to learn. That's where we're going next.
We've isolated and captured the skills of the dialogue-gifted
through twenty-five years of nonstop "Wow!" research. First we
followed around Kevin and dozens like him. Then, when conver­
sations turned crucial, we took detailed notes. Afterward we
compared our observations, tested our hypotheses, and honed
our models until we found the skills that consistently explain the
success of brilliant communicators. Finally, we combined our
philosophies, theories, models, and skills into a package of learn­
able tools-tools for talking when stakes are high.
Now we're ready to share what we've learned. Stay with us as
we explore how to transform crucial conversations from fright­
ening events into interactions that yield success and results. It's
the mosl important set of skills you'll ever master.