74 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS
ones they themselves had employed. The "sins" of others were
different from their own more because of the role they played
than because of a fundamental blight on their character. They
restored Mutual Respect, and dialogue replaced silence and vio
lence for the first time in decades.
WHAT TO DO ONCE YOU STEP OUT
When you see that either Mutual Respect or Purpose is at risk,
we've suggested that you shouldn't ignore it. We've also argued
that you should be able to find a way to both find Mutual
Purpose and enjoy Mutual Respect-even with people who are
enormously different.
But how? What are you supposed to actually do? We've
shared a few modest ideas (mostly things to avoid), so let's get
into three hard-hitting skills that the best at dialogue use:
- Apologize
- Contrast
- CRIB
Each skill helps rebuild either Mutual Respect or Mutual
Purpose. First, we'll study them in action. Then, we'll see if they
might help Yvonne get things back on track.
Where were you? You're talking with a group of hourly em
ployees who worked all night preparing for a factory tour. You
were supposed to bring the division vice president by, and the
team members were then going to update him on a new process
they've put into place. They're proud of some improvements
they've recently made-enough so that they willingly worked
straight through the night to finish the last details.
Unfortunately, when it came time to swing by their area, the
visiting VP dropped a bomb. He laid out a plan you're convinced